On the Absence of Victory and Defeat
When
is it possible to say that one has won in the game of love? There is no basis
for victory. Everything is subject to self-pity or glorification, the
acceptance and denial of reality. Not one person can narcissistically claim
himself a victim or an aggressor in a given event, for each is a fool of
emotion and among fools, there is no leader, no guarantee that one's
vulnerability is less than others'.
There
are no victories, only uncertainty and regret. Conquest and subjugation may
only be established between parties playing the same battlefield, under the
same rules. Love, in all its purity, cannot be considered strife, nor can it be
categorized as objective. The degree of affection between two people,
regardless of their attachment to one another, would always be inclined towards
imbalance – one loving or needing the other more. Ungoverned as people
are in love's subjective rules of engagement, so to speak, love becomes an
abstract connotation with the complexity of endearment, doubt, and
remorse. People persistently believe in love as the ultimate goal, yet flee
at the slightest hint of anything resembling commitment. Passionate
individuals over-whelmed themselves with self-imposed delusions of attraction,
only to later deflate their own emotions with cynicism or insecurity. Human
frailty and orientation towards committing error may be attributed for the
perception of relationships as entities which could have been made better, the
results of action or lack thereof. Lovers ceaselessly remain wanting of
desirable traits, while the self-continuously chastises and criticizes the
inner workings of its persona. Happiness is negligible in the light of pain,
confusion and misery, in the sorrow and rejection of separation, and against
lofty, unrealistic convictions on love.
In
this day and age, it is quite unfortunate to find people who derive pathetic
sense of pride from their success in surviving relationships unscathed because
of their dexterity at breaking hearts. Paradoxically presumptuous and cowardly,
such individuals shroud their loneliness with an armor of PRETEND STRENGTH and
invincibility, the latter coming from the need to deny their emotions and
assert themselves as a means of coping with pain and loss. Such self-absorption
derives such persons to undermine the essence of love and relationships. In
their rush to escape situations that call for the humble acceptance of
reciprocal defeat and lowliness, they become oblivious to the fact that love
has never been an issue of emerging victorious or defeated. They forget
that relationships are supposed to involve partnerships which seek to provide
the best for the self, and more importantly, the other person involved.
Love should never be about rising above or sinking below a loved one – it has
always been meant to surround two people with passion so strong, it would
enable them to be but one soul experiencing all things as a single being.
The
essence of love and existence, therefore, is not self-preservation, but rather,
the submission of the self in a commitment that knows no individual defeat or
victory. In love, each must be prepared to die a little to himself, his pride,
and his desires, to offer part of himself as a willing sacrifice for a cause
that knows not to the boundaries of time. Although full loyalty and
commitment are necessitated by relationships, it is only when two lovers are
mature enough to realize the importance of both intimacy and personal space
that their love will be able to transcend mere attraction and fondness.
For as much as love is not an issue of issue of victory or loss, it is also not
about placing everything on the line, in the so-called "name of
love". Oftentimes, knowing how to give unconditionally is as consequential
as being aware of when to stop giving, when to cease running after a loved one,
and when one must put an end to making a big a fool of himself for a futile
cause. In so many words, a part of one's own heart and soul must be
protected and made to stay intact in the uniqueness of its nature and
experience, in order for the self to retain its identity even after loyalties
have been severed. This is not to say that a single soul must disjoin
itself in order to cater to its needs and those of its soul mate. Rather, this
implies that loving another person demands loving oneself enough in order to be
able to forego desire and happiness for the sake of the other, in the knowledge
that such an act grants the self a true hold on the meaning of love.
In
totality, love is not a battle, for to determine victory or loss in such would
be to undermine its sanctity. Love for the self and for the others must, in its
very essence, be able to draw out the beauty in each person, such that each one
sincerely hopes for the very best for the other, regardless of the pain that
such desire entails. At that state of unconditional devotion, there should no
longer be any need to qualify success or failure, for the intensity of love, as
well as the fear of loss and loneliness, serve as the common, unifying factor
between two souls made one.
Now
ask yourself this question: Are you the type who is ready to take the fall?
