FRAGMENTS
There was something different that day. I was under the same rain that cloaked me for years but the drops seem to hurt me, like a million darts piercing my skin and into my soul. It wasn't the same. There was some sort of vagueness in its sound. I just poured my heart out. I'm trying pick up the pieces of it, trying to go through the same path. Maybe I left some of it somewhere…
I kept staring at the blank spaces in between my fingers. I used to think somehow, it will no longer be empty, that somehow I may no longer fill it with my own…maybe someday…one day…I will again feel the same warmth of his fingers but for now…I try to hold on to the traces he left behind.
I used to wish I want to be somebody someday. Be admired by a crowd or worshipped; to have the whole world at my feet. But little did I know that all I needed was one person to admire me and to believe in me. I got what I wish for. I became somebody. I was somebody to him. He was my sandcastle slowly swept away and now all I have are traces of what it used to be…of what we used to be.
I fell in love with the moon and I wanted more. I tried to wheel it in this place that's between lucid and lost, of being awake and dreaming. I was lonely for too long, that I got greedy and possessive. I thought I can own it. Maybe I was addicted to the tranquillity it gives, or the comfort, or the way it always find me even when I hide under a tree. I will surely miss dancing though or the moon-drops before dawn.
Another little boy blue who lost his shoe found his way to me. We played, paddling our feet in a puddle. I held his hands until he realized it is more fun to run without shoes. But time flies so fast, he soon grew up and I'm left with my pink elephant yet again. Until next time, maybe someone will lose his way again.
Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go."
The old book says if you love someone set him free. I know it'll be hard and I'll be drunk in misery again for sure. The selfish I say I should clip his wings and made him mine for all eternity. I just have to find the strength to do it. But I have to do what I have to do. Because I love him so will he ever find his way? Back home to me...? Maybe or maybe not. So I have to show him the directions. His bus stop is on the other side of the road.
Is it possible to love someone you haven't even met? Yes. Romantic delusions, slightly twisted illusion perhaps to some and even to me but yes, it can happen. You just fall. You just trust your faith. You just enjoy the moment. You just sell your soul for cup of multi-coloured sprinkles.
This is not another sad love story. This is a happy one. I'm happy I was able to write again. I'm grateful for the ride, the company and for the afternoon chats. I was just waiting for my ride that day. I could think of a thousand reasons to be happy this happened to me. I grew up. I used to have only bitter scars, now I have something to remind me that there will always be that "one day."
So I thank you for the lessons I've learnt. I thank you for teaching me it's okay to smile. To be happy, to laugh till my stomach hurts, to be held, to say I love you right out loud, to care enough, to relax even if the world seem to be collapsing, to hope, believe, to have faith and most importantly to love. You often say I saved your life, when in fact you saved mine. I could think of more lessons but I have to keep this short. You gave me my fairytale ending- my happy ending. You didn't only give me yourself but you gave me your sapphire coloured sky. I will and always continue to believe in loving you.
So…blow your birthday candles really hard for me, for I will surely miss a lot of birthdays. Remember the good ones and try to forget the bad birthday parties. Pick every lash that fall and count to three…open your eyes and make a wish and I'll do the same. This is not goodbye because you know I never say the word.
Curtain call, I just lost a string, I'm tired of blowing, my sticks just broke, I don't have any lead and the ink is dry. Remember me every Wednesday. Maybe in my next life I'll see you. I was good with this one. This is just a prologue. So close your eyes count to a hundred and I hope you'll realize like I do…it is better late than never.
I'll blow a kiss everyday for you. It's going to be alright. I have accomplished something.
There was something different that day. I was under the same rain that cloaked me for years but the drops seem to hurt me, like a million darts piercing my skin and into my soul. It wasn't the same. There was some sort of vagueness in its sound. I just poured my heart out. I'm trying pick up the pieces of it, trying to go through the same path. Maybe I left some of it somewhere…
I kept staring at the blank spaces in between my fingers. I used to think somehow, it will no longer be empty, that somehow I may no longer fill it with my own…maybe someday…one day…I will again feel the same warmth of his fingers but for now…I try to hold on to the traces he left behind.
I used to wish I want to be somebody someday. Be admired by a crowd or worshipped; to have the whole world at my feet. But little did I know that all I needed was one person to admire me and to believe in me. I got what I wish for. I became somebody. I was somebody to him. He was my sandcastle slowly swept away and now all I have are traces of what it used to be…of what we used to be.
I fell in love with the moon and I wanted more. I tried to wheel it in this place that's between lucid and lost, of being awake and dreaming. I was lonely for too long, that I got greedy and possessive. I thought I can own it. Maybe I was addicted to the tranquillity it gives, or the comfort, or the way it always find me even when I hide under a tree. I will surely miss dancing though or the moon-drops before dawn.
Another little boy blue who lost his shoe found his way to me. We played, paddling our feet in a puddle. I held his hands until he realized it is more fun to run without shoes. But time flies so fast, he soon grew up and I'm left with my pink elephant yet again. Until next time, maybe someone will lose his way again.
Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go."
The old book says if you love someone set him free. I know it'll be hard and I'll be drunk in misery again for sure. The selfish I say I should clip his wings and made him mine for all eternity. I just have to find the strength to do it. But I have to do what I have to do. Because I love him so will he ever find his way? Back home to me...? Maybe or maybe not. So I have to show him the directions. His bus stop is on the other side of the road.
Is it possible to love someone you haven't even met? Yes. Romantic delusions, slightly twisted illusion perhaps to some and even to me but yes, it can happen. You just fall. You just trust your faith. You just enjoy the moment. You just sell your soul for cup of multi-coloured sprinkles.
This is not another sad love story. This is a happy one. I'm happy I was able to write again. I'm grateful for the ride, the company and for the afternoon chats. I was just waiting for my ride that day. I could think of a thousand reasons to be happy this happened to me. I grew up. I used to have only bitter scars, now I have something to remind me that there will always be that "one day."
So I thank you for the lessons I've learnt. I thank you for teaching me it's okay to smile. To be happy, to laugh till my stomach hurts, to be held, to say I love you right out loud, to care enough, to relax even if the world seem to be collapsing, to hope, believe, to have faith and most importantly to love. You often say I saved your life, when in fact you saved mine. I could think of more lessons but I have to keep this short. You gave me my fairytale ending- my happy ending. You didn't only give me yourself but you gave me your sapphire coloured sky. I will and always continue to believe in loving you.
So…blow your birthday candles really hard for me, for I will surely miss a lot of birthdays. Remember the good ones and try to forget the bad birthday parties. Pick every lash that fall and count to three…open your eyes and make a wish and I'll do the same. This is not goodbye because you know I never say the word.
Curtain call, I just lost a string, I'm tired of blowing, my sticks just broke, I don't have any lead and the ink is dry. Remember me every Wednesday. Maybe in my next life I'll see you. I was good with this one. This is just a prologue. So close your eyes count to a hundred and I hope you'll realize like I do…it is better late than never.
I'll blow a kiss everyday for you. It's going to be alright. I have accomplished something.
1 comment:
There's a lot of wisdom in that cat.
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